For those of you patiently waiting for Darkfall to hit the shelves like myself, you may find a recent article at The Combine to be of some interest.

Seems this fucker dragged his poor wife to a sparsely furnished commericial building to spend a day or two with AI programmers in the middle of their honeymoon to Greece. It may or may not have made for an interesting read bro, but my guess is that you'll pay for this one every three months for the rest of your life.

So enjoy, knowing that this link may very well contribute to a man's divorce in the future.

Also, those that doubt the sheer amount of hardcore being rammed into this game need only gaze upon RazorWax's moist towlettes of doom. They're even hardcore when they're wiping their asses, and that's pretty hard to do.

- Azaroth

As most of you do NOT know, I was on vacation in Atlanta a couple weeks ago visiting our pal Rich. What does this have to do with anything? Well I live in columbus, OH, this means that I had to make a rather lengthy drive to get to Rich-land. Lemme just tell you people something, YOU ALL CANNOT FUCKING DRIVE!! Seriously what the fuck?? Did 98% of the population get their liscenses yesterday? I mean it's the little things like: merging, changing lanes properly, GOING SLOW IN THE FAST LANE YOU FUCKING FUCKS!!

Here is a little lesson. The left hand lane is the fast lane, this means that when you are going the speed limit you should NOT be in the left lane, EVER, NEVER EVER! Most importantly when you are getting onto the interstate, that little lane that you 'tards call the on-ramp, is in fact, actually called the acceleration lane. Guess what that means? That means you fucking ACCELERATE! You do NOT slow down when merging into oncoming traffic, you speed up! And please for the love of god do NOT merge directly into the fast lane!! What the fuck is this shit about? Seriously, I am doing 90 miles an hour and some fucking homosexual that is getting onto the highway pulls all the way over into the left hand lane going 45. ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL ME??

Oh and god forbid some sort of alternate weather comes around. Let's just say for instance it rains, I am pretty sure that all of the people on the road have a sudden and MASSIVE drop in IQ. My prediction is it's somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 points, as we all know this puts most people into the negative category. What is so hard about rain? Just because it is raining you do not slow down to 45, you do not turn on your hazard lights and leave them on for the duration of the storm, you do not get in my fucking way. Lets not even talk about snow...

Another little problem I have, is Mini-vans, SUVs or any other vehichle that a soccer mom would drive. Know this people, at the heart of EVERY traffic problem, is a mini-van. First of all, I have a sportscar, it is low to the ground, it is fast. Mini-vans go slow, and they impede my view because they are so fucking huge and gay. I hate mini-vans, SUVs are bad but they haven't quite reached mini-van status. A good rule of thumb when driving these abominations is never get out of the right hand lane. You will only cause people to die in freak mini-van related accidents or cause a serious case of road rage, which, in turn, will cause people to die anyway. Don't you mini-van fucks see that you're killing people??

The moral of this story is a good number of you should just stay indoors at all times and never even think about stepping foot into the drivers seat of a car. Also the world would be a much better place without mini-vans. That is all.

- Joe

When I first heard the rumblings about this game, I decided to grasp at the faint hope that Origin had seen the error of their ways, that they truly meant it when they said they were looking to make a game that didn't compete with Ultima Online's fairy ass, and that they weren't just going to make another EQ clone.

I mean, this game is coming from the makers of Ultima Online, right? That game we all played back in the late 90's?

Wrong, motherfucker. This game is coming from the makers of a dumbed down, sugar coated, pansy land Ultima Online. The original UO team were all either shot for such horrendous implementations as the reputation system (seems pretty harmless in the scheme of things when you look back at it now, eh?), or have moved on to make crappy games for Sony or, possibly even worse, Richard Garriot and NCSoft.

But, just because the current staffers at Origin are a bunch of ass munching, limp wristed faggots doesn't mean that they'll make EQ27, does it?

Of course it does. Learn your lesson, fucknut - MMORPGs are now officially about leveling treadmills and neon loot. Companies have learned that a good carebear experience = cash, and no matter how much smoke they blow up our asses about being "innovative" or "ground-breaking", they're simply taking EQ, updating the graphics, and slapping a new name on it.

Of course, by "innovative", they could mean taking carebear bullshit farther than it's ever been taken before. I took the time to read one of the first blurbs about UX:O, and this shit hit me like a sack of doorknobs:

UXO’s proprietary and innovative Odyssey Adventure System delivers customized quests to players automatically and enables private adventure zones, providing adventures on demand as players journey through the world. An added bonus in offering players private areas is that they can’t be interrupted by “griefers” and other uninvited guests.

Awesome. A single player game. Not only are there levels and extremely limited PvP, but the game is set in one big single player Trammel sausagefest.

Good job, OSI. You've created a cookie-cutter, cash cow of a game. Innovative as hell.

I'm sure it'll do well, though, as there seem to be an inordinate number of old ladies and sick little girls delving into the MMORPG genre as of late. I just hope noone expects UO to be around six months down the road.

I think this screenshot sums it all up quite nicely. It's jam-packed with yellow hearts and pink plus signs. This game is, through and through, just a big box of lucky charms. Curl up infront of your favourite Saturday morning cartoon and enjoy.

- Azaroth

Being rather bored, I recently decided that I needed to get in a little gaming while I waited for the Darkfall beta. Since console games are for twelve year olds, and single player PC games generally tend to be nothing more than rehashes of old single player PC games with new graphics, I decided that MMORPGing was the only way to go.

Planetside, I'm not so hot on. If I want any of that, I'll fire up Quake III and not lag out when I'm trying to fight. SWG is pretty much just EQ/DAOC/Whatever with dancing Wookies. Shadowbane is buggy as fuck and shallow as a puddle, and UO has been completely ruined by Origin, as everyone is quite aware.

The only MMORPG I really had any fun with was UO, so I set out to find a good Pre-UO:R emulator shard.

After much sifting, I'd like to report that not only have I found one where the PvP is pretty good, but there are actually people on it. At most times Britain bank is moving and shaking like I haven't seen on Siege since it was first introduced, and like I've never seen in Felucca on any shard. Seven Order chasing one Chaos around, thieves getting guardwhacked repeatedly, and people idling in gay matching neon outfits. It's all here, baby. Even some well known guilds like AoD and SSJ have come over to this shard.

If you've got a hankering for some UO action, I highly recommend checking out Blitzkrieg. Pre-UO:R PvP, no statloss, surprisingly little lag, and a good set of admins, atleast from my experience so far.

However, before you run and sign up, I'd like to point out a couple of the flaws I see. I'd feel like an asshole if I left the impression on people that the server was perfect in every way.

Instahit is in there, but really done imporperly. It reloads so quickly that it actually makes weapons like katanas useless. Everyone uses nothing but a halberd because the instahit reloads in like 2.3 seconds.

Also, stats and skills raise at a rate that is nothing short of completely and utterly ludicrous. I realize this is a PvP shard and noone wants to spend three months getting a character ready to fight, but being able to 5xGM a character in one day is just stupid and pointless. Fuck, I decided that I wanted a smith, and got ready to hunker down for at least a couple of days of work. Four hours and something like 5,000 ingots later I was GM mining and GM smithing. Why not just be done with the whole character building process and start everyone out with five loaded character slots?

Of course, aside from those two things, the shard is pretty good. I have some beef with other minor things, such as reagents being far too cheap/abundant and people with 15 magery being able to cure deadly poison every time, but I can definitely say that this is the best player run UO shards I've ever seen, and it's worth checking out if you liked Pre-UO:R UO and want to do some PvPing.

- Azaroth

Movies are okay. Well-written rantings by master assholes thoroughly dedicated to the art of assholery are better.

For a long time now, I've been under the impression that the Internet really blows. 99% of the old sites I used to read a couple of years ago are gone, and the only shit that's left is Stileproject, etc. Photoshop images of deformed midgets committing unthinkable sex acts with the business end of decapitated sharks isn't really my thing.

However, the entire Internet has been singlehandedly rescued from the brink of destruction by one man. One man, a bad attitude, and either a fake counter or one fuck of a lot of traffic from people who like to read bi-montly updates over and over.

Recommended reading includes:

Take your X-TREME marketing and shove it
Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women
How to become an obnoxious internet cam whore in five easy steps
Love your kids? Prove it by beating them
Homage to Contra III

For some reason, though this site has been around for a long time, I never came across it until very recently. I've actually been directed to it twice in the last twenty four hours after never hearing of it in my life.

I fully intend to rip this fucker off and make a website exactly like his when Nighthawk dumps me from WTFMan.

- Azaroth

Since I have all too much time on my hands at work, I decided to go ahead and make a walkthrough for starting out on Planetside. It answers most every new player question I've seen and generally how to get started learning the game. It even explains base capture exp which seems to be the most misunderstood thing in game.

Anyhow, if you're new to the game, check it out. People who have played more than a couple of days or who don't play PS would have no interest in that at all tho. I'll make up some strategy guides eventually.

- Nighthawk

Heh... no, not us (obviously). Although I really appreciate the fact that was the first thing that jumped into your head. =P

Seriously tho the best site on the web as far as I'm concerned is the Internet Movie Database or simply imdb.com. It is the most thorough, cross-referenced and overall interesting website there is. Basically every movie or actor or TV program you can think of is on that site. Not only that but there are trivia on many of them, and since I'm a huge movie and trivia buff - thats right up my alley.

I dunno if I've mentioned it before, but even if I have it worth mentioning again.

- Nighthawk

I'd like to take a little time to urge those of you living in California to vote for Gary Condit or whatever the fuck his name is. The one that's being screwed out of his job, I don't know his name.

I know how tempting it must be to vote for Arnold, since he's disposed of so many of our most hated foes, from Sinbad in Jingle All The Way, to Caroll Baker in Kindergarten Cop. And especially now since Rob Lowe is working on his campaign. One person he isn't going ot help get rid of, though, is Bush.

If you must elect a celebrity, elect Gary Coleman. Watching him lower the microphone with a rope and a set of climbing gear will alone be worth all of the fuckups he'd obviously cause. Plus, the first time he asked someone what they were talking about would be a priceless clip for the ages.

Now, being a Canadian and a complete outsider when it comes to American politics, I may not know what I'm talking about. But, I'm pretty sure Bush lost California in the last election, and I'm pretty sure having Arnold and the Republicans in power could help him win it in the upcoming election. Also, I'm under the impression that, under your extremely gay electoral college system, California is a pretty big domino.

Bush is seen as a huge figure by those that hate America and would like nothing more than to lodge a nuke squarely up your asses. I like America, and, more importantly, I live very close to America. I don't want to see that happen. Not only because the fallout could be bad for my hair, but what would I do if I couldn't buy all of your awesome products or watch your TV anymore? I refuse to walk around in Blue Jays caps and watch Mike Bullard and the CFL all day. Go Argos.

The first step in saving my precious American products and services is for Bush to end his memorable term in office at four years. It's been a good run, let's all leave it at that, and see if we can calm everyone down. Things are getting a little too heated, and personally, I don't think this situation is going to evolve into good times for all. Maybe we'll never see another 9/11 (although that huge ass power outage had me worried for a bit - I'm now convinced it was aliens), and maybe the only people on the receiving end will be in a far off and distant land. However, death is death, and I don't think death = peace. Death = angry motherfuckers just waiting for their chance to do something crazy.

Who should replace Bush? Well, I say re-elect Jimmy Carter. Not only did he win a Nobel Peace Prize, but it's pretty hard to get taken seriously when you're jumping around on CNN with painted red horns on a picture of ol' JC.

Of course, if he ends up getting elected again, I guess that's fine. I'll be in Sweden, or maybe Australia. Depends whether I want to grow pot and screw hot Swedish chicks or catch rays and screw funny-sounding Australian chicks. Both are entirely acceptable options.

Also, I am quite aware of what happened the last time anything remotely political went on on this website. I am also quite aware of Nighthawk's politcal views. He despises the 'leftwing liberal bedwetting shit', as he would call it, and I love it. More bedwetting, I say. Hug a tree, etc.

However, I must say that this post was neither Republican nor Democratic. I am Canadian, and I vote Liberal.

I'd also like to point out that I don't think Bush is a particularly ill-meaning person, I just think that he's the last person America needs in power right now.

There. Enough apologizing to Nighthawk. Let's all hope he's not interested in getting a piece of the action on this one. Let's also hope he didn't like Freddy vs. Jason.

- Azaroth

For some reason, when I first saw the commercial for Freddy vs. Jason, I was overcome by feelings of titillation. Here was something cool - a little nostalgia mixed in with much slashing, and that has to be worth ten bucks for a night out with the boys, right?

Yeah, wrong. It must've been the subliminal mind rays sent out by the advertising agencies that came together to concoct this steaming piece of shit that made me even think so in the first place. It's the only possible explanation for why my usually alert bullshit-o-meter didn't pick this baby up on the radar until I saw that Kelly Rowland was starring. If you haven't heard, you'll be rudely slapped in the face by a large sign that cuts in on the movie screen after Kelly's first appearance, reading "That's right, Kelly Rowland, sucker. Thanks for the money you fucking retard - no refunds. Now eat your milk duds and get the fuck out, because we'll start the movie up again in five minutes, and you don't want to be here when that happens."

If you have any doubts, simply read the reviews on CNN and MSNBC. When such large, and thus inherently evil, corporations start bashing something, you know someone was either too cheap to pay them off, or everyone involved knew that misleading the public for personal gain this time was taking it one step too far.

I beg of you, you must not go see this movie. At all costs. You're simply fueling the demon that creates this type of crap. Trust me, you'll be providing a service to people everywhere who don't like being forced to walk out of a movie theatre with a little less cash and a whole lot of regret.

- Azaroth

The blaster worm is officially the most widespread worm virus of all time. I suppose some type of congrats are in order for the creator(s), but in the meantime if your system is acting weird or rebooting by iteself - you need to get the fix and the patch.

Microsoft.com Patch

Visit McAfee.com or Symantec.com for the fix.

Oh, in case you were wondering, if you use Windows Update, this vulnerability was fixed almost a month ago (July 16). May be a good time to start doing your Critical Updates more often if you don't keep on top of it now with the automatic updater (like computer savvy people do =P).

- Nighthawk

Recently I had an email conversation with someone about UO screenshots. We came to the conclusion that they were, for some reason, funnier than screenshots of any other game by leaps and bounds. Whether it be the cheesy graphics, the cheesiness of the game in general, or just the nostalgia, the bottom line is that UO screenshots are fucking hilarious, and I don't see too many good ones these days.

For this reason, I'd like to compile a Top 5 UO screenshot list. You send in the funniest UO screens you can dig up, and I choose the five absolute funniest to post on WTFMan. Shameless stupidity, yes, but we've all clearly got too much time on our hands. Take some time out of your all-to-heavy masturbation schedule and do something constructive for a change.

Or, you could just keep on caressing your tadpoles, you marathon man. One tip though; when you run out of tissue paper, and at this rate, you will, a drinking glass or cup may look like an attractive option in the heat of the moment. Refrain from this course of action, as the results can be disastrous for yourself and the ones you love.

Now, I don't want any files sent to me in the mail, so point me to URLs only. If you have a really good screenshot on your computer, just upload it to geocities or something and send me the address. Messages with files will be deleted.

Extra points for old school shots, since post-UO:R crap just isn't the same.

Also, just to be perfectly clear, there is no prize, so don't be expecting one. This is only for shits and giggles, and to waste everyone's time. Or, I guess I could claim that we're giving away a Radeon 9800 and then never own up. Pick your posion, I guess. Whatever motivates you.

Here's some crap to get your whistle wet:

Found this gem on Spleenshots, a website I was directed to through email. Not sure if this is as funny as I think it is, or if it's just me. Wouldn't it have been better if he misspelled 'awesome'?

I haven't looked through his archives, so if you find anything really good in there, tell me about it.

I decided to take several hours out of my precious sleeping schedule to cook this baby up. Needless to say, you won't find me making any more animated gifs, and you sure as hell won't catch me doing any flash.

It was inspired by a guild site I stumbled upon while checking out the referrers to this site. Scroll down a bit, you'll see it.

- Azaroth

I've been playing a lot of Planetside here recently. Several of my guildmates had been telling me how much fun they had in beta and since release, but I just recently started myself. It turns out they were right (go figure). It seems to be an excellent combination of both MMORPG and FPS type games.

Leveling is entirely based on killing other people. You get bonuses on capturing bases, but the exp you get is based on how many defenders are killed during the hack (and the 10 minutes preceeding it). So, for someone as into pvp as myself, this game fits me well.

Don't get me wrong - the game is not perfect. While you do get bonus exp for capturing bases, you get none for defending it aside from the exp you get per kill. So, once a capture is complete most people just up and leave because there's no benefit to themselves in it. Granted as more and more people hit level 20 (max) there will probably be less focus on the exp a base gives and more on the strategic reason to holding a base.

Also, there are a couple of balance issues to be worked out and even an annoying bug or two. All in all Sony Online Entertainment appears to be addressing problems. Hopefully they won't fall into the trap of giving the customers everything they want like Origin/EA did and turn into a carebearfest ala UO. However, with the game being totally pvp oriented, that may be impossible which is FINE by me.

If you happen to play Everquest or Star Wars Galaxies, you can get a combo account from SOE to play all of their online games for $21 or so, so you can have an account on all three EQ/SWG/PS for 1 price. Also, there is a 7-day trial from FilePlanet which is also linked from the main PS page if you wanna give it a shot and see if its your cup of tea.

Personally I just broke 1000 kills (another handy feature in PS - in game stat tracking) so I'm enjoying it quite a bit. Please don't get in game and send me tells just because I shared my ig name... I'm probably busy fighting. Chatting is for IRC or email. ;)

- Nighthawk

I can't stand the current crop of games like EQ or DAoC. Can't fucking stand them. I can't even bring myself to play Shadowbane, not only because it's level-based, but because it's shallow as shit and I can't imagine myself playing it for more than three days. Technical issues be fucked, I can stand those if the game's good. I played UO for many a year and loved it - latency, crashing, bugs and all.

Darkfall, however, looks very different from the games we currently have. There seems to be a small uprising of developers who are going against the cash-cow model EQ introduced, and RazorWax/Aventurine are, in my mind, definitely chief among them.

I'm so interested in this game that I've been posting on their boards and hanging around in their IRC channel almost non-stop. The community they have going at the moment is generally pretty intelligent, and quite well behaved. I've yet to see one post comprised purely of l3375p34k on their message boards.

This is extremely surprising, mainly due to the fact that the game is predominantly a PvP/PK game. Just goes to show you that not everyone who enjoys PvP is a shithead.

Fully open PvP, no statloss or switches. No safe zones. Skill-based PvP, no click&watch homosexuality. Skills instead of levels, extensive crafting and non-combat skills. No classes. Full thievery, and maybe even house looting. They're even taking freedom to the extreme with no skill cap, even though I see a lot of possible problems with that decision, it does show you the level of freedom they're committed to implementing in their game.

This one is officially for the old UO veterans who loved the game the way it was. Shit, they've even said they're modelling it after UO's early days. How can you possibly beat that.

Personally, this game is what I've been waiting for. If all goes according to plan.

We've all seen promising games go terribly awry in the past, but they've stayed true to their plans so far and they're ready to enter beta in September.

Their only real problem is exposure. As can be imagined, they're having a hard time getting media coverage. No one's talking about Darkfall, and especially not any big websites or magazines. This might change when beta starts or when they release, but for now I'll be pimping the hell out of this game every chance I get.

Visit their website, read the FAQ. Check out the message board and jump into IRC - you can frequently catch designers in there breaking the NDA. Just don't act like a fuckup.

- Azaroth

Good evening and welcome to WTFMan.com. My name is Azaroth, and I'll be your new updater.

Why new updaters?

Well, Ron and Grey have apparently been patrolling the Mexican border as rogue mercenaries for the last several months, and are to be assumed currently living under a shabby lean-to somewhere in southern Texas, feeding on a small menagerie of wildberries and the feces of Mexican refugees who were too fast for them to catch.

Either that or they're really fucking lazy. I'm not all too sure, but I'm betting on the first one. The one with the shit eating.

Before taking the time to introduce myself, I'd first like to thank Nighthawk for the opportunity to update this website. Not only has he made me part of a prestigious group of jackasses whose fame I may now ride around like a veritable donkey of highhorsery, shaking my fist and scowling at the toothless peasants, but he's also saved me a couple hundred dollars in setting up my own website again. This is a very good thing, as I'm not exactly loaded, and will soon be setting up a fake WTFMan PayPal account and asking for donations, the entirety of which I will spend on cheap asian prostitutes and methamphetamines.

Now, on to the good stuff.

That is, if you're interested in knowing more about me, because, unlike Nighthawk and much like Greybeard, I can't be expected to answer every dumb-assed e-mail that gets fired off my way in a fit of stupidity. I will, however, make an honest effort to answer intelligent e-mails from people that have atleast a mildly firm grasp on the english language.

I've gone by Azaroth online since around '98, and I've been running websites for about five or six years now. I worked my way up from the humble beginnings of small Ultima Online sites hosted on geocities to large rant sites that, more often than not, contained heavy doses of pornography. Because everyone likes pornography. What can I say - did pretty well at the time.

I started playing UO in October '97, and quit when the UO:R changes were announced, some time in early 2000. For a long time after that, I was a huge proponent of a Pre-UO:R shard, and you may or may not remember me bitching and whining about it every chance I got. Fortunately I'm a bit of a writer and that bitching and whining usually ended up being pretty coherent, and most people who opposed my iron will generally got their opinions forcefully shoved up their asses.

Though noone will remember me (as my character's name differed from the one I currently use - and no, you may not ask what it was), I enjoyed much PvP on the Atlantic shard. Some of the most fun I had was with DoS, and, in the later days of my stay in UO, DD, who are currently still together and jumping from terrible game to terrible game, like the rest of those chowderheads who can't simply sit back, hold on to their money, and wait for a half decent game to come down the road instead of forking out cash to every fucking company that slops together a horrible MMOG.

As far as online games other than UO, I haven't played much, and for a good reason. While I did try to play EQ, I couldn't stand the leveling, lack of PvP, and overall shittyness of the game in general. I played for two weeks in beta, swore it and all other games like it off forever, and then was coaxed into it for two more weeks by some friends about a year later. My resolve to shun EQ and and all EQ clones for the rest of my life grew pretty strong, and I've since refused to play anything that mildly resembles EQ. The shit apple tends not to fall far from the shit tree.

I live in Canada, have long ass hippy hair, and have been known to smoke way too much pot and drink way too much alcohol. Although I'm nice and clean now, I do still enjoy the odd night of drunken stumblery, but I tend to go to bars to do it. My days of cheap 40 ouncers and homemade bongs in someone's dank basement are far behind me, and all for the better. That crap just stops being cool after you hit 20 or so, though some people can't seem to grasp that.

So, essentially, that's me. Or what I feel like telling you about me, I suppose. Hopefully I'll be able to make pretty regular posts, although I'm in no way new to this whole game, so don't expect a honeymoon period where I'm posting three times a day. You can, however, expect much more posting to be done around here as Nighthawk, Joe and I hold down the fort while we await the return of Ron and Greybeard from their trip down south.

- Azaroth

I'm giving a couple of new posters a shot at being WTFMen since well... we're obviously lacking in the frequent posters category. Joe is a friend of mine and Ron's irl and is quite often a hilarious mofo. Azaroth is/was a friend of Greybeard (who's that you say? well, he posted here years ago :/) and he also posted on the now extinct Azaroth.net. Anyhow, here's the first post by Joe.

- Nighthawk

Hi, I'm Joe, and I'm here to bitch about a few things.

First of all, I've been playing online games for a long time. Since around 1991 with MUDs and BBS Door Games. Back in the old days, you weren't going to find someone who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground about computers (or life in general). Those were the good days, the days of smart people sharing the same hobby. As most of us are well aware, those days are long gone.

I'm not one usually prone to making sweeping generalizations but, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? What the hell is the matter with you people? Are you fucking stupid? Did your mommy bottle-feed you gasoline as a child, did she forget to hug you? Please give me an excuse, any excuse will do really, just try your best to make me think that you're not a fucking idiot sitting around taking up my precious oxygen.

Case in point: In Planetside the other day, I log in to the usual broadcast spam of people LFS (Looking For Squad). This spam is usually humorous in nature anyway because in Planetside a BR (Battle Rank) 5 guy is just as good as a BR16 guy. Simply because no matter how many BRs you have, you're not necessarily going to be a better shot, or much more likely, a better tactician/team player than the BR 5 newbie. As a matter of fact it is HIGHLY likely that said newbie will be MUCH more likely to follow sound advice simply because of inexperience with the game. People with inexperience tend to try their best to learn the game, thus making them much more pleasant to deal with. Somehow after someone hits BR 10 they decide that they are the BESTEST PLANETSIDE PLAYER EVAR!!!! You could be the leader of their squad, but, they don't give a damn. I mean after all, they are BR 14 Infil/Hacker/Anti-Vehichle/Anti-Infantry/Anti-Intelligence/Ass-spelunker!!, you better goddamn well follow them to a most retarded death or you will be bombarded with lovely examples of idiocy such as:

"WTF FAGET?!!? WTF did u not help me take on those 30 VS (Vanu Sovereignty) at the drop point?!?!?! u just ran into the tower like pussy!! Yada yada blah blah I'm not smart blah blah blah etc."

Rule #1 If you're going to call someone a homosexual, LEARN HOW TO FUCKING SPELL IT!!

Rule #2 Why do you fucking simpletons INSIST on abbreviating the shortest words in the English language? You can't take a nanosecond to type out "you" or "are"? Kill yourselves.

*ahem*

Those of you that play know that towers are important to take over because they give you a place to respawn when you die (which will happen on a regular basis, I don't give a fuck how super duper l33t you are). So, instead of charging headlong into a group of 30 enemies so that you can simply die and respawn miles away from the battle, you should probably run into the tower with the rest of your squad, who, in this case are likely MUCH smarter than the hero of this story. But, will you ever do that? Nope, because you're not smart, and for that I hate you. I really, really, hate you.

It's not bad enough that you can't even speak the goddamned English language correctly. Or, that you live in your mom's basement with no real responsibilities. Or that you think your obviously small brain is good enough to make it through life with no problems. What about the fact that you think because you kill people in an online game that you are some kind of gangster from the hood? News flash!! People from the hood don't have computers, and they're not as fucking mind-numbingly STUPID as you!! But no, these things are not enough for you, you are not satisfied with being a complete idiot in the privacy of your own home. You have to bring it into my HappyFunTime (TM). Are you trying to make my head explode? Do you hate me as much as I hate you? Do you want me to find out where you live and kill you?

In conclusion, I'd just like to say: FUCK YOU.

- Joe

Yeah, I know. Another long period of time with no updates. Sadly, very little is going on that most of you would give a shit about.

The JoV gathering in Vegas was outstanding. And yes, I asked Ron about WTRtrix and his answer was "fuck if I know", so I guess that answers that... sorta. My guild is currently spread out over several games including Shadowbane, Asheron's Call 1 and Planetside. Of those I'm most likely to give PS a shot since I like FPS games and there is no leveling grind to go through like MMORPGs. You can download a free 7 day trial of it here. I haven't tried it yet myself as I'm going to wait until I get back from Florida to start my trial, but from what a couple of my guildmates say - its worth checking out (especially for free).

Other than that, I've been playing Grand Theft Auto : Vice City trying to get to 100% complete. All rampages, all side missions, all hidden packages, etc. Its pretty scary how many different little side things you can do off of the main story line, not to mention the tons of big names in the voice cast. I was playing a bit of UT2003 on a LAN at my old job, but since I tossed my manual which had my auth code on it, I can't play online (and all cracks I've found don't work).

Aside from that, the summer has been largely focused on rl - thank God. I don't know if Ron is planning on posting anything or ever finishing WTFtrix, but it was great to hang out with him and 12 of the other guildmates in Vegas. Was a better time than I deserved... and thats saying something.

- Nighthawk